Old Content/Quotes

Articles > Old Content

Note: This content is dated back to early 2000, so it's most likely out of date! Last updated: February 2003

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.” - Frieda Norris
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.” - Unknown
“When you come to the end of your rope … tie a knot and hang on.” - Franklin Roosevelt
“Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.” - Lizz
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.” - Douglas Adams
“If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?” - Steven Wright
“USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.” - Unknown
“Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.” - Unknown
“I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.” - Unknown
“Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.” - Mike Barfield
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.” - Unknown
“Give a man a flame and keep him warm for the night. Set him on fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life.” - Unknown
“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.” - Unknown
“How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?” - Unknown
“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.” - Dick Cavett
“Parking for Drive-Through Service Only” - McDonalds Sign
“Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Leave me alone.” - Unknown
“Push to test.” (click) “Release to detonate…” - Unknown
“What happens if you put a slinky on an escalator?” - Steven Wright
“It’s easy to get blood from a stone, you just have to throw it hard enough” - Unknown
“The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.” - Unknown
“Crashing is the only thing Windows does quickly.” - Unknown
“A black hole is where God divides by zero.” - Unknown
“Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.” - Proverb
“Has it occured to anyone else that “AOL for dummies” is an extremely redundant name for a book.” - clay
“Down in Washington they’re playing with Social Security like it’s some kind of government program!” - George Bush
“On sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.” - Unknown
“Don’t hate yourself in the morning. Sleep until noon.” - Unknown
“I think we agree. The past is over.” - George Bush
“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” - George Bush
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” - Thomas Edison
“I have the body of a gymnast… in the deep freeze downstairs.” - Mike Fyrre
“98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.” - True fact
“More and more of our imports come from overseas.” - George Bush
“A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.” - Unknown
“When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.” - Unknown
“Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.” - Unknown
“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do!” - Anonymous
“program, n.: A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one’s input into error messages. tr.v.: To engage in a pastime similar to banging one’s head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.” - Unknown
“Make up your mind. Is it a drug, a virus, or a religion?” - Unknown
“If your life is full of failures… you are not taking enough risks!” - Heather
“He’s not dead, he’s electroencephalographically challenged…” - Unknown
“Jesus saves sinners – and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes.” - Unknown
“What if we celebrated Valentine’s Day with chickens instead of hearts? Then we’d say, ‘I love you with all my chicken!!’” - Sesame Street
“A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.” - George Bush
“Very funny Scotty… Now beam down my clothes!” - Unknown
“i was gonna call 911…but i was downloading a file” - Opcode
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” - Brooke Shields
“If every person living in China jumped up and down at the exact same time, would they knock the Earth out of orbit?” - Unknown
“There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.” - Unknown
“Why can’t a blonde dial 911? Because she can’t find the eleven!” - Unknown
“If you hold a UNIX Shell up to your ear, can you hear the C?” - Unknown
“A font walks into a bar: “Hey, we don’t serve your type in here!”” - Mike Fyrre
“No. You can’t trick the raisins.” - Scott
“Put the others to the test, our sausages are the best!” - Sign
“We are ALL Chartered Accountants.” “Except me. I am a gorilla.” - Unknown
“Confucious say: Man who walks through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok” - Unknown
“Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!” - Unknown
“Hey have you heard about that new pirate movie? It’s rated arrrrrrr” - Mike Fyrre
“Roman hackers are MCCCXXXVII.” - Unknown
“People with coughs don’t go to the doctor - they go to the concert.” - Unknown
“Scott me up, beamy” - Unknown
“My spoon is TOO BIG!” “I am a banana.” - Unknown
“Tuesday’s coming, did you bring your coat?” “I live in a giant bucket!” - Unknown
“I love beign drink it cool as” - A friend
“I went out to see a fly’s kid fall in mud agai-in…that was my beef steak, that was my-y beef steak, oo” - Pippa
“Don’t buy a car with its tail in the engine.” - Chrissy